Editorial
From the Newsletter of Revesby Presbyterian Church
January 2008
Don Kerr
Too Wise to Be Mistaken, Too Good to Be Unkind:
Christian Parents Contend with Autism
Author: Cathy Steere, Publisher: Grace & Truth Books, 1999, revised 2005.
Reviewed by Don Kerr.
For many parents, receiving a diagnosis that their child is on the autism spectrum is an entry to an unknown world, one filled with denial and ignorance. Likewise for many educators, relatives and friends, seeing these families and children presents a disconcerting, confronting and confusing time. Cathy Steere writes openly and with emotion, revealing the personal and family trauma that was her first son, Drew. Starting from his very birth Cathy opens a vivid window on her, and her husband David’s, experience with Drew. A child who made no eye contact, rejected physical affection and only expressed dissatisfaction with any situation, even in matters of food and clothing. There were invariably reactions from Drew consisting of screams of pain. The reader is taken into Cathy’s world of parenting Drew.
Within this emotional and detailed account there is the defined foundation of David & Cathy’s absolute faith in the sovereign purpose of the one living and true God. Their understanding that each of us is not simply a physical being, but also a moral being who is corrupt by nature due to the fall in Adam shapes how they deal with Drew’s very early years. Their insistence on obedience and self-control were not based on squashing a neutral nature, but in the knowledge that a child’s heart, like theirs was corrupt, and that they needed to reach his heart.
The book follows the chronology of Drew’s development, starting from the final days of pregnancy through the very early months of his life, his growth as a baby to a toddler and into school age, closing with Drew at 5 years old. Each stage in Drew’s development is shared, Cathy’s focus on teaching Drew obedience, and the difficulties encountered, from Drew hating Cathy singing to him and expressing this in screams and crying; his physically recoiling from her trying to hug him; to the pain she experienced in trying to leave him in the crèche during church, her sitting waiting to hear his screams knowing she needed to rescue the crèche staff, and eventually not attending church to avoid this altogether. For any parent these are normal/daily situations, but Cathy’s account gives us a real insight into life with an autistic child, including the questioning of one’s parenting skills, and a lack of understanding from others. The early years of Drew’s life are faced with no official diagnosis. This increases the anguish, with Cathy left questioning whether it was the way she loved Drew. She wondered why he was not like the other children, who are very well described. The reader can share the sadness Cathy reveals.
As Drew passes his third birthday, Cathy and David see an interview on TV with an autistic lady. Her description of how she views the world and how she acts describe Drew so clearly that they are driven to act. The next day phone calls are made and the mid section of the book outlines the testing and diagnosis process. In the midst of this Cathy clearly describes how this impacts her: “My plunge into the pit of despair picked up momentum with every book and article I read”. She also tells where her true source of comfort comes from, quoting a Samuel Rodigast hymn “My Father’s care is round me there, he holds me that I shall not fall, and so to him I leave it all”.
Cathy describes the heartache of trying to cope with Drew through this period, her view of autism as “the hidden monster”, the various therapists whom she consulted, her focus on schooling Drew early and at home, and the eventual excitement at finding an organisation that might be able to help. One of the most insightful sections concerns Cathy’s description of her experience in observing an Occupational Therapy session, where the child drove the agenda. “Who knows better than the child what he wants to do and what he doesn’t want to do” is the explanation given. Cathy leaves convinced that her choice of treatment for Drew is the right choice.
The final chapters of the book cover the intense struggle that the early stages of this chosen program are for Cathy, the balance and encouragement David helps to bring to her, and the progress they make with Drew. There are many different treatment approaches outlined, and Cathy adopts some as additions to the core program she is working on. Through all this she continues to train and expect obedience from Drew, but now has a better understanding of how Drew’s brain is “wired”. The philosophy of the program they adopt is explained as the “perception of the autistic child follows the neurological/sensory model. A child who has been labelled autistic is viewed not as an emotionally disturbed child, or as a child with a psychiatric problem, but as a child with sensory dysfunction whose abnormal behaviour is a reflection of abnormal perception.
When Drew was four years and two months of age, Cathy commenced this program. Two months later she finally has Drew toilet trained, and she began to see dramatic improvement in his language ability and a reduction in his anxieties – all resulting in an improvement in his behaviour. These chapters chronicle the progress Drew makes up to his 5th birthday, and the improvement noted by the program therapist through to his Sunday school teacher.
In the final chapter Cathy summarises her learning; “The ugliest thing about autism is that you can’t see its source. Tucked away and hidden behind a perfectly normal looking face is an injured brain. Injured so horribly it produces only what it can: bizarre and confusing behaviour….As Christian parents we have a duty before God and a responsibility to the children He has given us. We must consider all this life from a theological perspective….I would never say that a certain method or therapy is the “biblical” one or isn’t, but I can say the method of parenting or treatment of autism springs forth from someone’s philosophy and world view.”
Cathy’s concluding paragraph reveals again how intensely an autistic child impacts a family: “With Drew’s emergence into our world has come my own emergence from the dreadful pit of despair. There are still areas in which to improve, of course; there may always be. But I know that normalcy now outweighs oddity; and Drew’s personality shines brighter that the glare that ever came from that horrid monster. By the grace of God, we have hope for the future.”
I would strongly recommend this book to any whose extended family is touched directly by autism and for any teachers or parents in a school or church community with children diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The insight that Cathy Steere will provide you into the lives of the parents and children should equip you with a level of empathy to support and serve (practically and prayerfully) these children and their parents.
Don Kerr